18 days old- PDA surgery postponed

Chance had a rocky night. His blood pressure was dropping a couple times throughout the night. Blood gases weren't up to par. Lots more details but basically my baby wasn't feeling his best.

Dr. Moore, Chance's doctor, wants him stable and feeling his "best" before putting additional stress on him with the PDA surgery.

When Joc and I first got here around 6:30 am all this was going down. Chance had about 6 nurses, doctors, RT. etc in his room. They were taking blood left and right. Since removing his belly line whenever they have to draw blood they have to prick his heel and squeeze to get blood. This was in the midst of him not feeling well, bp down, so blood wasn't pumping well and blood wasn't coming freely.

I made the mistake of watching as the NP tried to insert an artillery line in his wrist. Again, I'm in sorrowful awe at how strong my little boy is. It literally broke my heart and brought me to tears and I could feel his pain more than anyone could ever understand as the NP poked his tiny wrist with this needle that looked enormous.

Tears are steaming down my face just thinking of how his body squirmed and reacted to the initial prick.

What I would give to take his place. To save him from all the hurt he's having to endure. I'm just so powerless in this.

The thought runs through my head, why God????? He hasn't revealed the reason why yet. I think I know why. To glorify Him, to show others the miracles He's capable of, to make others believe, to bring me closer to Him.

Makes me remember how powerless I was the March 09 after Joc and I were married and Joc went away to the RU home for 6 months. I felt so alone as I do now. That was when my true relationship with Jesus really began. No person, friend or family, could fill that void other than Him. Here we are again lord, I surrender.

Ok. So, enough words for now. Thanks for listening! Felt like I had to let that go.

As of now, the doc wants to give Chance 24 hours to recover. Surgery could be Sunday or Monday. He's for sure on the books for Monday but could be Sunday if needed on Sunday.

They're in here now doing another lung X-ray and an ultrasound on his abdomen to rule out that his stomach as anything to do with what happened this morning. They're also concerned that the neck could possibly be back. The coloring near his groin is getting darker. Will have to wait on results. I pray it's not worse because surgery might be needed ASAP. Roller coaster going down full speed today.